Stupid Baby Names! Grrrrrrr!

What is it about celebrities and other “vaporous-of-character” people who burden their kids with stupid names and a life of social ridicule?  We’re all familiar with the celebrity trend of giving children supposedly playful, silly, impractical names on the basis that they’ll never have to endure the harassment of a real school or workplace. I call them stupid names created by stupid, self-absorbed parents.  Examples include:

•          Zowie Bowie (David Bowie)
•          Dweezel & Moon Unit (Frank Zappa)
•          Fifi Trixibelle & Peaches Honeyblossom (Bob Geldof & Paula Yates)
•          Apple & Moses (Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin)
•          Sage Moonblood (Sylvester Stallone)
•          Rumer, Scout, and Tallulah  (Bruce Willis & Demi Moorre)
•          Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily (Michael Hutchence / Paula Yates - making the list with two dads!)
•          Moxie CrimeFighter (Penn Jillette)

Now, Michael Sherrod and Matthew Rayback, the authors of a new book, Bad Baby Names, have looked into a century of US census reports and discovered that the history of weird names is longer, and stranger, than most of us could have possibly imagined.

Here, in ascending order of weirdness, are the 20 strangest:

20: Wanna Funk
19: United States
18: Lotta Bacon
17: Hysteria Johnson
16: Waitress Seholley
15: Nail Rambo
14: Jump Jump
13: Tackle Feigenbutz
12: Mustard M. Mustard
11: Jelly Bean Cook
10: Fat Meat Fields
 9: Geography Bryan
 8: Zero Pie
 7: Cylinder Klinefelter
 6: Nice Veal
5:  Cyclops Walthour
4:  Envy Burger
3:  Cancer Grindstaff
2:  Young Boozer
1:  Dracula Taylor

Makes you proud to be an American! Sigh…

If you gave your child a stupid baby name, defend yourself! Or tell us about the weird names that you have heard by leaving a comment.